When you have toddlers everyone feels the need to tell you about the terrible twos, but I'm not so sure I agree. As someone with both two-year olds (yes, plural) and a three-year old, I think three is by far the harder age. Perhaps that's only because I do have three of them so close in age, but Connor seems to be going through the roughest transition at the moment. Or maybe it's just that he has the strongest personality of the boys right now.
He's at the restless stage, where he wants to do and see and say all the time. He cannot stop, even for a minute. And if he's not getting the attention he wants (or is it needs?), then he's completely willing to go for it in other ways. Negative attention is still attention, isn't it? In the last few weeks, he seems to be having a hard time listening to and doing what we ask, even when he knows it's something he should do and even if he knows the consequences.
Tonight we struggled over not bouncing all over the couch, pulling the cushions from the couch, and moving the leather ottoman across the floor (we've recently moved one of our area rugs under the ottoman to prevent the little guys from doing it, but Connor is strong enough to push both rug and ottoman). He had three chances, which he knows is Mommy's limit. The first warning was verbal (in Mommy's well-known "mean" voice). The second was a few minutes in the time-out chair followed by the requisite conversation about what he'd done wrong and his being asked to say "sorry" about what he'd done. It's always resisted, but eventually given in the most pitiful of little voices with his chin resting on his chest and his eyes nearly closed from looking so far down (oh, and don't forget the really pitiful pouting lower lip, because it's there too). And the last, which he'd been warned about from the first and the second, was immediate bed with no bath (which he loves more than just about anything). It was 6:45 p.m., which is very early for him, even allowing for the fact that he didn't have a nap today.
Perhaps it's not the age, but the overall circumstances right now. It's surely hard for him, with the therapists coming over to work with the little guys and naturally spending most of their time engaging them (though, honestly, they're very inclusive of Connor, too). Connor has always needed attention much more so than the little guys, and not having all of their attention is the equivalent (it seems) of not having any of their attention. It also seems to be showing up with me lately too. If I'm engaging one of the little guys, working on signs or sounds, or even just playing, he feels the need to not only be involved, but to push them out of the way until he is front and center in whatever we're doing. Perhaps we're all still adjusting.
It's probably a struggle for all parents with children close in age, dividing up your time and attention and trying to make sure everyone's needs (and many of their wants) are met. We're certainly trying. This week on my once-a-month or so (meaning long and involved, as in two trips to the car) trip to the grocery, I opted to take Connor along rather than have my usual three-hours of peace and quiet away from home. When I take Buster for a walk at night, I've been asking him if he wants to tag along, which he always does, and we leave the little guys with Daddy. If the little guys happen to take a nap, we get out one of the "fun" games reserved just for him - the board games, the coloring stuff, sidewalk chalk, a special DVD that his brothers won't watch and he loves, books. Even if I'm so ready to have a little time to myself, I try to spend at least half of their nap doing something just with him. We know it's hard, especially now when we're spending a lot of time working with his brothers on their communication.
Right now, in our house at least, being three is definitely harder than being two.