And it's going to take a long, long time for anything to feel normal again.
When I come home from dropping the boys off at school, I expect him to greet me at the door. Or to come sit down by me while I eat breakfast at the dining room table, looking over his shoulder hoping for something good from my plate.
When I sit down at my desk to work, I still see the scratch marks on the wood floor near the front windows. It's where likes to lay, right by my side, usually staring out the window, waiting to bark at anyone who dared to walk on his sidewalk (or even the other one across the street).
When I get ready to leave the house, I want to check and make sure he's back inside the house just in case it rains. I want to say, "Bye baby, I'll be back later," just as I always have.
When I pull back in the driveway, I expect him to be sitting in front of the windows watching for my return.
As I come back home through the garage door, I still see his collar and leash hanging on a peg near the door, ready to take him on his walk around the block.
When I'm dressed up in nice clothes for work, I expect him to come up for a hug, to cover me in red hair and slime.
When there's leftovers from lunch or dinner, I want to drop them in his bowl and say "treats" so he'll come running into the kitchen.
When we go outside to play, I expect him to come running. He loves to be part of the family, to chase the balls or dig in the dirt while the boys are bouncing on the trampoline.
When I walk into the sun room to help the boys clean up toys at the end of the day, I expect him to be laying there on his big, blue bed.
When I sit down on the couch at night to watch television, I expect him to come lay by my corner of the couch, so I can rub his back with my foot, just as I always do.
When I'm watching a favorite show, I expect him to come stand at the end of the couch just looking at me, telling me it's time to go outside right now, just as the good part is about to begin.
When it's time for bed, I expect him to want to go outside and bark at the wind, just because that's what he always does. And once he comes back inside, I want to pull some pepperoni out of the drawer in the refrigerator, to bribe a little love and snuggle time.
Everywhere that I look, everything that I do, makes me think of him. The house feels so empty now without him. It's so hard to believe that he's not here with us anymore. He was the first baby. And he always will be.
Everywhere that I go, everywhere that I am, he'll still be with me, even if it's only in my heart now.
Rest in peace, my sweet puppy. You were very much loved, and you will be very much missed. I am so glad your last day with us was a happy one. You stayed at my feet while I worked, and you barked at the other dogs who walked down our street. You had your favorite bone in the back yard, and you got Daddy to take you for a walk around the block. You even had special treats for your dinner. And we were right there by your side as you said goodbye.
Music: The Dance, vocals Garth Brooks, songwriter Tony Arata, producer Allen Reynolds (1990).