It's going to be over in just a few short weeks. In some ways it will be much too short. In others, it has already been much too long. A life of contradictions, as usual.
The boys and I have been spending a relaxing summer mostly close to home. We've made a few trips down to visit family at the lake, but mostly we've been in our quiet little neighborhood. And with our recent back yard project, we've drawn in even further, into our own back yard.
In some ways, that's a good thing. The back yard is safe and contained. The boys and I can now spend hours out there all day without wanting or needing a single thing. Swimming pool. Trampoline. Play set. Shade trees and the large patio umbrella. Food and restrooms nearby. All good.
Of course, in other ways, it's bad. Seclusion, lack of interaction. The boys are falling back into their old pattern of relying on me for every single moment of every single day, to not only take care of their wants and needs, but to also be their only play friend. And by only, I mean that each one of them thinks that I should only play with him. And will get screaming mad if I dare to play with someone else, or even worse, try to take a minute to myself.
Perhaps too much togetherness has gotten to us all. Connor spent most of the day in trouble, either for not listening or for talking back (we will not even begin to talk about his attitude of late). Sawyer spent the day walking up to me with his new sign of the moment - "eat" - which basically means"hey, I want something," and while it frequently includes food, that's not always the case. Xander spent the day screaming at the top of his lungs every time Connor did something hateful (see previous statement, and you will understand why he screamed long and loud most of the day).
Tonight all three of them looked at me in complete horror when I quickly gave them their required bath and then unceremoniously dumped them in bed. No bedtime stories. No snuggling. Barely a "good night, love you" as I closed the door.
It was simply one of those days. I was done.
The kids' disbelief comes from the fact that those days are few and far between. Most of the time, regardless of how frustrating the day has been, I take a few deep breaths and go through the normal bedtime routine. Xander likes his favorite book, and maybe a song or two, but not much snuggling. Sawyer wants me to snuggle and hold him until he's fast asleep, and he will put up with a story or a song, but he doesn't really request either one. Connor begs for a story (or two or three), then wants to you lay down with him and talk about the day, and then stay until he's nearly asleep. All told, it can take upwards of an hour or two, depending on the night.
And I just didn't have it in me tonight. Josh has worked the last four days straight. The kids and I have been home all summer long, all day long, together for weeks now. I was simply done.
Here's hoping we all wake up on a better side of the bed in the morning.
