For Xander, it largely means he's a very particular eater. Certain textures cause problems that usually result in him sticking out his tongue and using both of his hands to try to wipe off the offending texture as quickly as possible (with zero regard for where it lands). It's actually kind of cute. Except when you're trying to get him to eat something that's good for him (and that most normal people think tastes good).
For Sawyer, it's not just one thing. It's pretty much everything.
There's his love of shadows and light (and how motion changes these). It's what makes him walk in front of the same house ten times on our walk around the block, watching the sun reflect on certain glasses a certain way. There's certain toys he enjoys playing with and others he cannot stand to have in his hands or any where near his body. There's the feeling of weightlessness, like being bounced or swinging or flipping himself over backwards in your arms (to hang upside down). There is his constant need for pressure. For him, it means giving extremely tight hugs and squeezes as signs of affection and also grinding his teeth in frustration and anger. It's also there when he lines up every single toy we own in a big pile and then lays himself on top to see how it feels, or the way he always sleeps on top of the two pillows at the head of his bed, carefully wedged on the top and in between the headboard. It's his smile at being hugged so tightly you think you're going to hurt him, or having him pull you down on top of him because that's what he needs.
One thing you will hear over and over again about autism is that those who have it see the world differently. And they do. They see it. Touch it. Smell it. Taste it. They feel it. Sawyer experiences the world with all of his senses, and does so much more than either of his brothers. Perhaps it's a compensation for his lack of language. Or perhaps it's just who he is.
In the last few weeks he's picked up a new habit, one that drives my mother a bit over the edge (she likes things neat and clean at her house). Rather than using his spoon (which he is perfectly capable and willing to do most of the time), he's started eating two of his favorite foods - applesauce and yogurt - with his fingers again. And I don't mean he just pinches it between his fingers and puts it in his mouth. No, that would be too easy and just plain silly.
Here is my baby, enjoying his yogurt his way.
First, you dip each finger into the yogurt so that there is a bite on each one.
Then you hold the hands out to make sure you've not accidentally overlooked a single finger (if you have, then you must dip that finger in and make it a complete set).
And last, you lick each one of bite by delicious bite. All with one of the biggest smiles you will ever see on that adorable little face.
Grandma doesn't like the mess that sometimes comes, but Mommy cannot resist that smile. It's too elusive at times. And honestly, with three preschoolers at the table, it's not like I won't already be on hands and knees wiping up the crumbs anyway. What's a few more drips?