Early this year, when I began to think that Sawyer was showing signs of autism, I started doing a lot of research. Mostly online, but I also picked up books at the library and the book store. At first, I'm sure I was trying to talk myself out of it. It was too ambiguous and too scary. But the more I read, the more I saw explanations for quirks and behaviors. It also helped me get more comfortable with his diagnosis when it came a few months ago. It still wasn't easy, but at least it made much more sense. And it's also been really helpful in terms of finding little ways to help make his life easier, or at least more enjoyable.
For instance, we've learned that he needs preparation for transitions. Turning a favorite program or movie off without warning is not good. Explaining that it's time to do something else, like eat or go for a ride in Mommy's truck, before it's turned off, is the difference between a meltdown and a reluctant agreement. Same for getting ready for nap time or bed time. Tell him about it while he's doing something else, then let him have time to finish or wrap it up, before you try to get him to do it. There will still be resistance at times, because he likes to do things in his own way and in his own time, but it's much better if you prepare him for what's coming next.
There are also some fun things. A lot of kids with autism are very sensory-oriented, and one of the things many of these kids like is pressure. Sawyer is no different. For quite some time now, he has resisted a traditional hug. If you tried to just walk up and give him one, he would push and pull away in an instant. His preferred method it to walk up behind you and wrap his arms around really tight and squeeze. But, having read and learned a little, I've come to understand that if I fold him into my arms and squeeze really tightly, he not only likes it enough to show that adorable grin of his, but it usually also makes him laugh! And, he's also started initiating these forward-type hugs (even if they are on his terms), which Mommy loves!
And as much as mothers enjoy just watching or gazing at their children, especially little ones, that can be difficult for a child who doesn't like eye contact. Sawyer has gotten much better about looking at people, albeit briefly, but he still hates continual eye contact. His eyes always dart away and back, and you can just see how incredibly uncomfortable it is for him. I've found a way around it for us. I love to look at him and have him look at me. So, during diaper changes (yes, they're still in pull-ups, unfortunately), I put my face really close to his. He actually reaches out to pull me closer, sometimes pulling me down for a kiss and other times running his hands over my face, much in the way I imagine a blind person might do to someone he or she knows and loves and wants to "see" well. He also rubs on my cheeks or sometimes squeezes (that pressure thing again). The key is that I have to close my eyes. I can't see him in a traditional sense, but I can feel him. And I can "see" his smile, simply because I know it so well, and I know that what I'm doing is making him happy.
Slowly but surely, we are making our way along this journey of his. We're finding the things that work and putting aside the things that don't. And we're enjoying every moment of watching him grow up and become the person he was meant to be, just as we are both of his brothers. With each step and each day, we learn just a little bit more . . .
